APOSTLE Paul wrote a letter to the Ephesians. This article is based on Ephesians chapter 5 verse 33. “However, each of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must have respect for the husband.” (NIV)
Besides, a husband can show love to his wife by consistently appreciating her. Tell her she is beautiful. Women are not tired of praises. It is only men that become suspicious when you praise them too much. Validation is key to the happiness of wives. If your wife cooks for you, please acknowledge that the meal is delicious. If she puts on a dress don’t forget to say it looks beautiful on her. If she makes her hair be quick to notice and commend it. You are the most important person in the life of your wife.
Marriage as an institution was created by God. Who else will understand marriage better than the one who created it? Tell me! Every manufacturer provides a manual for his product. It is not surprising that God had to and He did. The principle in this scripture is a single size that fits all.
The Bible admonishes husbands to love their wives as themselves. Wives, on the other hand, are urged to respect their husbands. The choice of the words ‘Love’ and ‘Respect’ is not random. It is deliberate and intentional. This article will attempt to breakdown these words in practical terms for ease of comprehension. A wife deserves to be loved and a husband deserves respect. How apt and true are these words? We will find out.
ALSO READ:
The Spectre of Unconstitutional Change of Government (UCG); By Jibrin Ibrahim
First, we will look at the interpretation of love in this context. How can a husband love a wife? A good husband must be a giver. In African context flowers are not appreciated so give shawarma to your wife. Give your wife presents. Give her money. And give again. Don’t be tired of giving. Do this as much as your income can allow you.
Another thing you have to give is your time. Make out time to sit with your wife and talk. Be patient to listen to her. Women have the gift of talking. Appreciate this gift for it is from the Lord. A wife may ask the husband: “How was work? “The response you are likely to get is a short one ‘ Fine.” But if a husband asks a wife: “How was your meeting?” The response you are likely to get is a sermon like: “That is ehh. Let me sit down before I tell you. Madam Mary was just showing off. She wants to lord it over everyone. Sometimes, I imagine who she thinks she is…” Some husbands are not patient to this quality of wives. You have to if you want your marriage to succeed.
Now let’s paint a graphic picture of respecting a husband. Maybe a wife has a friend that the husband does not approve of. The right thing to do is cut off that friendship. The lady is not more important than your marriage. Don’t belittle your husband and make him feel less if a man. This will hurt his ego. Respect your husband publicly. If you are having a quarrel with someone, for instance, and your husband tells you to stop. Obey. You could tell the other person that you stopped not because you are afraid but out of respect for your husband. This will make your husband feel like a king and he will make you his queen.
Besides, a husband can show love to his wife by consistently appreciating her. Tell her she is beautiful. Women are not tired of praises. It is only men that become suspicious when you praise them too much. Validation is key to the happiness of wives. If your wife cooks for you, please acknowledge that the meal is delicious. If she puts on a dress don’t forget to say it looks beautiful on her. If she makes her hair be quick to notice and commend it. You are the most important person in the life of your wife. If everyone else appreciates her but you don’t, she will not be happy.
Most men pour praises on their wife during courtship but take this for granted once they become married. This is a huge mistake. Honestly, it is that wooing technique that lured her to loving you in the first place. Before I forget, don’t forget her birthday. Memorise it and be the first to wish her a happy birthday. It is a big deal to many women.
ALSO READ:
There’s A Limit To What The Elites Can Disallow In A Nation: An Open Letter To Alhaji Sule Lamido
In addition, don’t abuse your wife verbally or physically. Remember that scripture says: “Love your wife as yourself. “I am yet to see a man beating himself over a mistake he had made. If you don’t hit yourself then don’t hit your wife. Agreed women have sharp tongues. Understand that most of what they say under provocation they really don’t mean it. When my wife opens her mouth and releases venom, I keep reminding myself that she doesn’t mean it. It helps me remain cool, calm and collected. Better still if you are not sure you can control yourself under a barrage of insults, just walk away from the scene.
Enough about loving wives. What does it mean to respect your husband? Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines respect as ” High or special regard. The quality or state of being esteemed. ” If you have high regard or esteem for something, you treat it with care and utmost concern. The auxiliary verb, ‘must’, is used before the verb ‘respect’. This means respecting your husband is not an option. It is mandatory! If you respect your husband, you will obey him even when you don’t agree with him. This is submission. Today many women interpret submission as domination. A wife that respects her husband controls the husband. She becomes so precious to the husband that anything she says, he does.
Now let’s paint a graphic picture of respecting a husband. Maybe a wife has a friend that the husband does not approve of. The right thing to do is cut off that friendship. The lady is not more important than your marriage. Don’t belittle your husband and make him feel less if a man. This will hurt his ego. Respect your husband publicly. If you are having a quarrel with someone, for instance, and your husband tells you to stop. Obey. You could tell the other person that you stopped not because you are afraid but out of respect for your husband. This will make your husband feel like a king and he will make you his queen.
There is a behavioural pattern that is common among married women in Nigeria. Most of them are very respectful to their pastors, reverend fathers and outsiders but mean to their husbands. When the husband of such a woman complains about her behaviour, outsiders hardly believe. They feel the man is unreasonable. They assume that her behaviour outside is the same at home. This is hypocrisy.
An elderly woman visited the daughter who had given birth. She stayed for some time and when she wanted to leave, the daughter pleaded that she should stay a bit longer. She refused. Why? She told the daughter that she had stayed as long as her husband had permitted her. We were all in awe and impressed by this woman. Unfortunately, her daughter is everything but respectful to her husband.
Respect will also prevent you from running to other people to seek comfort or advice over trivial issues. The thing is when you report your spouse, especially to your family, over a mistake. After both of you have resolved the issue, your family keep the grudge and never forgive. They develop this ill- feeling that your spouse is maltreating you. You then become the cause of a rift between your spouse and your family. Learn to resolve your issues without bringing a third party into the mix.
ALSO READ:
Our Democracy Is Not Worth Celebrating; By Abadom Lawrence Amechi
There is a behavioural pattern that is common among married women in Nigeria. Most of them are very respectful to their pastors, reverend fathers and outsiders but mean to their husbands. When the husband of such a woman complains about her behaviour, outsiders hardly believe. They feel the man is unreasonable. They assume that her behaviour outside is the same at home. This is hypocrisy. A wicked one at that. “Charity begins at home.” Respect your husband at home before you extend respect to outsiders.
Time and space will not allow me to highlight all the shades of love and respect. But suffice it to say that, the scripture Eph. 5: 33 is a key to marriage success. It is indeed apt and on point. Those who deliberately and intentionally apply this scripture will certainly enjoy a happy family life.
Godwin Aondohemba Abeghe, Life Coach, is a graduate of the University of Jos and a prominent speaker on Family and Family Relationship. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria and can be reached via WhatsApp on +234 705 257 1353. Abeghe will be writing this column every fortnight under the label, ‘jPage Frequency’.
