FOR THE purpose of this article, infidelity is defined as an act of having sex with someone beside your wife or husband. This is the context in which the term is to be understood.
It is easy to know a woman who is unfaithful in her marriage. For one, her attitude towards her husband changes completely. If she respected her husband before, it will cease. If not, her character will get worse. A woman is totally helpless when she is having sex with someone else.
Between the man and the woman, who has a higher propensity to cheat in marriage? Your guess is as good as mine. In this article, I will look at both parties and allow the reader to decide who is to blame.
Infidelity accounts for about 80 per cent of marriage break-ups today. A lot of people say men are born polygamous. They argue that the amount of sperm a man has is too much for one woman. Others say men are wired to manage infidelity more than women and are by virtue of this fact licensed to cheat. Many points are presented to buttress this argument but time and space will not allow me to analyse all here. I will however, consider a few points in favour of men cheating in marriage.
People say this, I also agree, that a man can have a side-chick but manage it in such a way that it does not affect his marriage. It is common to see a man hush up a side-chick as he is about to talk to his wife on phone. What is the man demonstrating here? He is simply telling the side chick that his wife is more important to him.
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Some men have mastered the art of cheating so well that their wives will not believe even if someone makes such an allegation. Most men do not associate sex with love but women do. Once a woman begins to have sex with someone else, she puts her whole soul into it. Such a woman can kill her husband if her lover asks her to do it. This explains why the society frowns more at an unfaithful wife than an unfaithful husband.
It is easy to know a woman who is unfaithful in her marriage. For one, her attitude towards her husband changes completely. If she respected her husband before, it will cease. If not, her character will get worse. A woman is totally helpless when she is having sex with someone else.
Satisfying sex is important to men as well as women. Most men are selfish in sex. Once they have had their fun, they abandon the woman. Some women get married, have children and yet never experience orgasm in sex. They only hear other women talk about sex climax. A concerned husband can learn sex like an art. The secret is to first enjoy some foreplay before the real thing. Foreplay helps to charge the woman up and prepare her for orgasm.
A typical woman who is unfaithful will not mind to carry the best food in the house and give her lover. Such woman doesn’t care much about their children.
Many married women shamelessly spend their husband’s money on their lovers. When a woman gets to this point, there is no return. She is obsessed by sex and blind to logic and reason. The veil only falls when the lover is fed up and abandons her. This is the natural weakness that makes a woman unfit to be unfaithful in marriage.
Ironically, men who are more prone to cheat in marriage are the same that find it difficult to forgive infidelity. Why is this so? I have no clue. It is a research topic for another day.
How can a couple protect their marriage against infidelity? A married person needs to understand that once married your body belongs to your spouse. Some women, in error, use sex as a control tool. If she wants something and the husband cannot provide it, she denies the husband sex as a punitive measure. This is primitive and dangerous. Such women inadvertently push their husbands into the hands of a side-chick waiting. Once the man begins to enjoy an oversupply of sex elsewhere, he will completely forget the wife.
Another thing that can help is neatness on the part of the women. Women are naturally neater than men. Some women become laid back and don’t take care of themselves especially after they begin to have children. They therefore become unappealing to the husband and lure him into infidelity. A woman must take care of herself. Even more so when she begins to have children. At this point her physical features begin to sag off. It is packaging that will make her well put-together.
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Men also have a lot to do to protect their marriage against infidelity. A man must be sensitive to the needs of the wife. Some women don’t have the courage to tell their husband boldly that they want sex. Instead they resort to giving signs that seek the husband’s understanding. A husband must be quick to notice these signs and act accordingly.
Lastly, but most importantly, is good communication. This is key in protecting the marriage against infidelity. If you cannot render your due to your husband or wife, by all means try to explain. Don’t lock up and expect your spouse to understand. That is wrong.
Satisfying sex is important to men as well as women. Most men are selfish in sex. Once they have had their fun, they abandon the woman. Some women get married, have children and yet never experience orgasm in sex. They only hear other women talk about sex climax. A concerned husband can learn sex like an art. The secret is to first enjoy some foreplay before the real thing. Foreplay helps to charge the woman up and prepare her for orgasm.
A married woman had confessed that she had an extra-marital relationship with a young man. For the first time she experienced orgasm and it was a whole new experience. She had been married for eleven years with four children. Following the euphoria, she got money from her husband and give it to the young man, unsolicited, as a mark of appreciation
Good food is another thing that can help. Men love food, especially good food. A wife can set the mood for a romantic night by preparing a good meal for the husband. Sex involves energy, so food is crucial. A man can’t do much on an empty stomach.
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Closely related to this is dressing. A woman must ensure that her bedtime dress is seductive enough. This is not the time for wrapper or other mis-fit dresses. She must wear a dress that is alluring.
Lastly, but most importantly, is good communication. This is key in protecting the marriage against infidelity. If you cannot render your due to your husband or wife, by all means try to explain. Don’t lock up and expect your spouse to understand. That is wrong.
Godwin Aondohemba Abeghe, Life Coach, a prominent speaker on Family and Family Relationship, lives in Lagos, Nigeria and can be reached via WhatsApp on +234 705 257 1353. This column comes up every fortnight under the label, ‘jPage Frequency’.
