STEP-PARENTING is one of the most challenging and awkward situations that people have had to deal with.
When someone loses a spouse, be it through death or divorce, and wishes to re-marry with children or a child in the mix, the issue of step-parenting comes in. This issue is heavy and herculean.
What is behind this case in question?
One is the step-child’s perspective is of refusing to accept someone else as a replacement to her mother or father. Consequent upon this mindset, the step-child is usually hostile to her step-parent. This is the crux.
History is replete with stories of step-mothers unleashing hell unto their step-children. In homes like these, the scenario is typical and predictable. There is war between the step-child and the step-mother. If something goes wrong in the house, the first and prime suspect is the step-child.
A discerning step-parent will be patient and use love to buy the child over. Time is required to achieve this objective. Initially, the step-child will resist this offer of love from a step-parent. Patience, resilience and persistence by the step-parent will pay off at the end.
Step-fathers tend to do better with step-children than step-mothers. Why is this so? It’s a topic for another day.
For now, it is undeniable that men do a better job as step-parents than women. I stand to be corrected on this. There are scores of cases where step-fathers bond very well with their step-children to a point that elicits the jealousy of the biological mother. I have personally witnessed this. I am not saying that all men are fantastic step-parents. The point I am trying to emphasize is that in this step-parenting matter, men have a higher success rate.
Why do women do fantastically bad as step-parents?
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I am not a psychologist. I don’t know much but the little I know I will say. Women are not wired to handle this. There is an innate jealousy and hatred that a woman has towards a step-child. This blinds a woman and makes it impossible for her to see beyond the rebellion of a step-child and love her.
Again, I want to make it clear that whatever I say is not absolute. There are rare gems of women that surprisingly do a good job as step-mothers. This percentage is small and almost insignificant.
Time and space will not permit me to give the different colours and shades of maltreatment that step-mothers dish out to their step-children. Suffice it to say that most step-mothers do a good job to ensure that their step-children see hell on earth.
History is replete with stories of step-mothers unleashing hell unto their step-children. In homes like these, the scenario is typical and predictable. There is war between the step-child and the step-mother. If something goes wrong in the house, the first and prime suspect is the step-child.
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Most times step-children suffer physical and verbal abuse. More often they are denied food especially when the father is absent. Step-children are denied the right to correct their younger siblings. The step-mother is usually the roadblock to this. The step-child is the last on the list when any good thing is to be shared in the home. If funds are insufficient, the step-child is the one that has to wait for another time.
However, step-children that obey have a generous share of work and chores. They is used as house helps. All the odd jobs are reserved for them. Someone has to do them and that someone is always the step-child.
Time and space will not permit me to give the different colours and shades of maltreatment that step-mothers dish out to their step-children. Suffice it to say that most step-mothers do a good job to ensure that their step-children see hell on earth.
Godwin Aondohemba Abeghe, Life Coach, is a graduate of the University of Jos and a prominent speaker on Family and Family Relationship. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria and can be reached via WhatsApp on +234 705 257 1353. Abeghe will be writing this column every fortnight under the label, ‘jPage Frequency’.
