“MOM, I am not a baby!” ” Yes dad, you said that a thousand times!” ” It’s my life. I will do what I want!”. These expressions are quite common with teenagers.
Who is a teenager?
Technically, anyone between the ages of thirteen to nineteen. This age bracket is quite disturbing and for a good reason.
Most parents are shocked and disgusted when their children talk about sex. Some angrily rebuke them. This is a mistake. A huge one. If parents fail to provide advice to their children on sex, a wrong person will, for a wrong motive.
At this point in the life of a child, there are changes she/he experiences – both physiological and psychological.
Physically, the child begins to notice the growth of pubic hair around the genitals. The growth of beards or breast. There could be a sudden change in the voice to something deeper. The enlargement of the pelvic girdle and host of other changes occur dramatically.
In the mind, the child suddenly feels she is an adult and asserts this fact. At this point she becomes curious, daring and sometimes entertains cravings that are beyond the boundaries of acceptable human behaviour. Parents at this point need to psycho-analyse the child and deal with her/him patiently and kindly.
This is the point where most children ruin their lives with bad choices. Parents too at this point need to use discernment or everything could go to hell. Children are prone to rebel at this stage. This is the stage most of them feel that parents are trying to micro-manage their lives and may decide to leave home in search of independence. Consequently, this stage is crucial and challenging to both the child and her parents. An equilibrium must be maintained or everything will go to hell.
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Am I trying to scare people about this phase in the life of a child?
The teenager has to confess her feelings no matter how weird and bizarre. Parents, on the other hand, must be willing to answer questions no matter how disturbing or discomforting they might appear. This synergy is imperative. Absolutely indispensable for a child to overcome the roadblocks in teenage and arrive at the other end successfully.
No! The intent is to assure teenagers that they can overcome this phase if they choose to. But I won’t say it’s easy. There are loads of obstacles the child has to deal with. The physical changes plus raging hormones and pressure from peers. These can take a toll on the child.
However, the situation is not hopeless!
Parents need to educate the child about the issues incidental to this phase in life. The child needs to be open and willing to accept help, not from other children, but her/his parents and mature adults. It is openness and sincerity that will help your parents to help you. No topic should be off limit. If there is an issue on sex, for instance, the child should talk about it with her/his parents.
Most parents are shocked and disgusted when their children talk about sex. Some angrily rebuke them. This is a mistake. A huge one. If parents fail to provide advice to their children on sex, a wrong person will, for a wrong motive.
Seventy per cent of surviving this phase depends on the child. The best plug to overcome this turbulent and trying phase, I repeat; is openness and sincerity.
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The teenager has to confess her feelings no matter how weird and bizarre. Parents, on the other hand, must be willing to answer questions no matter how disturbing or discomforting they might appear. This synergy is imperative. Absolutely indispensable for a child to overcome the roadblocks in teenage and arrive at the other end successfully.
Godwin Aondohemba Abeghe, Life Coach, is a graduate of the University of Jos and a prominent speaker on Family and Family Relationship. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria and can be reached via WhatsApp on +234 705 257 1353. Abeghe will be writing this column every fortnight under the label, ‘jPage Frequency’.
