IN MARRIAGE, it is stated clearly that ” Two will become one.” It’s a math that many do not comprehend!
It simply emphasises unity, oneness of purpose and goals.
During courtship, two people enjoy fellowship essentially to ascertain compatibility or otherwise. As they get married their relationship progresses from fellowship to partnership. Now they have common goals and aspirations that they jointly pursue. This when they replace the personal pronoun, “I”, with “We”.
The first thing that comes under hammer is the idea of maintaining a joint bank account. Many do not subscribe to this. They are of the opinion that oneness should not include finance. Interestingly, this feeling is entertained by many religious people. When it comes to money, they put God aside. Whether this feeling is right or wrong is a matter of opinion. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion.
Based on this perception, many believe everything should be done together and open. Things like bathing together, sharing the same bedroom, maintaining a joint bank account, use of the same phone password and so on.
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It is needless to mention the benefits that such an arrangement can bring to the table. For one, trust is reinforced, intimacy grows to the peak and happiness abounds.
As utopic as the above scenario seems, many disagree with it.
Some people feel the oneness emphasised in marriage is misconstrued. They hold the view that though married, a person should maintain his or her personal space. They feel the above scenario is everything but ideal. They argue that a married person should enjoy some level of privacy.
The first thing that comes under hammer is the idea of maintaining a joint bank account. Many do not subscribe to this. They are of the opinion that oneness should not include finance. Interestingly, this feeling is entertained by many religious people. When it comes to money, they put God aside. Whether this feeling is right or wrong is a matter of opinion. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion.
Personally, I don’t pick my wife’s phone calls and she doesn’t pick mine. The best I do is notify her that her phone is ringing. Initially in our marriage, every call I had she would ask who it was. I found that rather disturbing and we had a conversation about the matter and decided that things like that should be considered as personal space. If I receive a call that involves her, I tell her.
There is another funny phenomenon in this personal space thing. Some married people are particularly protective of their phones. They password it and constantly review the password.
Such people are uncomfortable when their spouse or anyone else gets too close to their device. Some carry their phones into the bathroom and toilet just to protect it against unauthorised fingers.
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The ladies will agree with me that men are more guilty of this practice. I warn that the phone of a man is like an onion. The more you tear through the layers, the more you are prone to shed tears. A smart woman will stay away from the husband’s phone. Let sleeping dogs lie.
Am I saying men who act this way have something to hide? Not necessarily. Some men just want to keep their privacy private.
No family is the same. A couple has to decide what is best for them.
Personally, I don’t pick my wife’s phone calls and she doesn’t pick mine. The best I do is notify her that her phone is ringing. Initially in our marriage, every call I had she would ask who it was. I found that rather disturbing and we had a conversation about the matter and decided that things like that should be considered as personal space. If I receive a call that involves her, I tell her.
This understanding has worked for us. Other people answer calls on behalf of their spouse. It is such that you call a man and you find the wife on the other end.
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Some women go further to ask why you are calling their husband. At times, this can be quite disturbing especially when you didn’t see it coming. Some men have this arrangement to stop people who call to make unnecessary demands.
Like I said earlier, no two families are the same so on the matter of personal space in marriage, each family must find out what is best for it. This can be done through dialogue among the couple in a spirit of mildness.
Good communication is key to a successful marriage. This topic will be touched in one of my subsequent articles. There is no single prescription for all.
Godwin Aondohemba Abeghe, Life Coach, is a graduate of the University of Jos and a prominent speaker on Family and Family Relationship. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria and can be reached via WhatsApp on +234 705 257 1353. Abeghe will be writing this column every fortnight under the label, ‘jPage Frequency’.
