A CAREFUL look around will reveal that there are more widows than widowers. What this means is that husbands are dying much earlier than wives. This article will critically analyse some of the reasons behind this ugly reality.
In spite of the huge responsibility that a man bears, he is eventually abandoned by the same family he slaved for. At old age, his children cling to their mother. Some women deliberately orchestrate this to side-line the father. Children have the tendency to pay more attention to their mother. In some cases, the man becomes lonely and dies a miserable man. It is only in rare cases that children give their father the attention the mother enjoys.
There is a saying that “Man was made to suffer.” In the family arrangement, man suffers a lot; thus his lifespan is short. He hardly reaps the fruit of his labour.
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One reason why man tends to die much earlier than the wife is age gap. Most men are older than their wives. Some men have a generational gap between their age and that of their wives. This is a difference between ten years and above.
Consequent upon this fact, men have a higher probability to die much earlier than their wives. I mentioned this first but it is the least factor responsible for the high mortality rate among married men.
The second, but most important, reason why married men die before their spouse is the responsibility to provide for the family. Fathers work tirelessly to provide food for the family, provide clothing and school fees. The same men have to provide shelter and handle medical bills. In some cases, they even pay for entertainment. A man regularly pays for DSTV subscription that he himself will not enjoy. It is the wife and the children who enjoy while he slaves like a beast of burden. Some men stay for years without buying clothes for themselves but they do this regularly for the family. The enormity of the responsibility of a man is huge. No wonder, some men have decided to leave the brotherhood and seek refuge in sisterhood.
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It is interesting to note that when feminists preach of gender equality, they limit it to other areas and skip the burden of provision. Besides, men go through a lot of emotional trauma. In most cases the man is trapped between providing for his immediate family and his extended family. If he provides for his wife, his mother will accuse him of neglect. If he provides for his mother and siblings, his wife will accuse him of bias. It’s a delicate rope to walk on.
In spite of the huge responsibility that a man bears, he is eventually abandoned by the same family he slaved for. At old age, his children cling to their mother. Some women deliberately orchestrate this to side-line the father. Children have the tendency to pay more attention to their mother. In some cases, the man becomes lonely and dies a miserable man. It is only in rare cases that children give their father the attention the mother enjoys.
The didactic here is: men should take care of themselves and make provision for their old age. The Bible says we should “Love our neighbour as ourselves;” not more than ourselves. While a man is caring for his family, he should, by all means, care for himself. Know this; very few men live long enough to enjoy their investment in children. Even those who are lucky to see their children grow into adults hardly gain much.
So, fathers understand the odds against you and be smart. When next you are shopping for your family by all means buy something for yourself. Don’t put yourself under undue pressure to provide for your immediate and extended families. This will only fast track your journey to the grave. Do your best and avoid things that will increase your blood pressure. Remember that even if you die today your family will live by the grace of God. Be smart and trust in God so that you will die on your appointed time. I rest my case.
The wife stands to gain more. She is the one that visits for Omugwo, while the man is left at home to suffer basic needs like food. If you have worked and are entitled to your pension, make sure your pension is for you. Don’t do the silly mistake of having to care for people out of your meagre pension. With the rising cost of living, pension is hardly enough; it is often not reviewed in line with the realities of the time.
A man must plan for his retirement while he is still working. He must try to have the basic needs like shelter. Build a modest house. Remember when your children grow, they will leave the house for you and your wife only. If you build gigantic structures, know that in old age you won’t have the strength to climb stairs nor the resources to maintain the house.
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Invest in a business that you can manage even when you are old and frail. Don’t invest in anything that will increase your dependency on others. The old are more vulnerable to be cheated. Start a business that you can be actively involved given your strength, health and resources. Don’t expect that your children will provide for you. It will be a colossal mistake. Many have learnt the hard way only death gave them rest in peace.
So, fathers understand the odds against you and be smart. When next you are shopping for your family by all means buy something for yourself. Don’t put yourself under undue pressure to provide for your immediate and extended families. This will only fast track your journey to the grave. Do your best and avoid things that will increase your blood pressure. Remember that even if you die today your family will live by the grace of God. Be smart and trust in God so that you will die on your appointed time. I rest my case.
Godwin Aondohemba Abeghe, Life Coach, is a graduate of the University of Jos and a prominent speaker on Family and Family Relationship. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria and can be reached via email: torjomabeghe@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +234 705 257 1353.
