THE CREATOR created humans and endowed them with desires; like the desire to eat food, the desire to drink water, the desire to excrete, the desire for sex, and a host of others.
Of all the desires, the desire for sex is overrated. For young people, sex is everything. Sometimes, you are teaching a set of students and you mention a word that bothers on sex, immediately the class becomes animated. If you see young girls talking and giggling, it’s about sex. The same topic dominates conversations between young boys. If you seem to deviate from this norm, you are considered a weirdo.
Why do I say sex is vanity? If you are going into marriage or any relationship with the sole aim to fulfil your sexual desires, you are setting yourself up for a disaster. And that disaster you will find. The odds are more against men. A young man can flaunt his sexual prowess for a while. Once he gets to his forties erectile dysfunction begins to manifest. At fifty, it is pronounced. He can barely manage to get it up and keep it up for three to five minutes. He is no longer the hunk he was. At this age, if a man insist that he must have sex until the woman comes, she may come but he himself will go. If you have a husband that is unfaithful don’t despair. Allow time to humble him.
Is sex in marriage a bad thing? No! It is indeed important for procreation and pleasure. Couples who have sex often tend to enjoy better bonding and happier lives. With sex, transgressions are easily forgiven.
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A marriage devoid of sex is doomed as little issues are blown out of proportion due to the underlying factor of sexual starvation. Trying to mediate in such homes is very frustrating especially if none of the couple is open enough to give the underlying cause of the beef between them. The mediator will go round in circles trying to solve an issue that is not real. Only experienced persons can discern this problem even where the couple are ashamed to say the truth.
In Africa, and Nigeria in particular, if a woman, for instance, openly confesses that she is being starved of sex, some people feel she is immoral. It is much easier if the man is the one complaining.
This article is not condemning sex but rather warning against the excessive desire and focus on sex.
Why did I say sex is overrated? If you listen to the lyrics of most popular songs, you will find that they are saturated with sexual content. The same goes for movies. The advertising industry has cashed in on this to make billions of naira. If you want anything to sell you must add a spice of sex as a unique selling proposition. No wonder then that adverts are filled with pictures of young beautiful girls with the right body parts exposed. Once you do this, the millions begin to roll in.
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In spite of mounting evidence against inordinate desire for sex, sex has continued to ruin lives and wreak havoc on marriages, relationships, organisations and so on. Sadly, even religious organisations are not exempted from this. Why has this presented a profound challenge to humans right from the time of King David and King Solomon?
Today, the expression: “You are sexy,” is a compliment. Hitherto, it was: “You are beautiful” or: “You are handsome.” This trend provides the pornography industry with billions of dollars every year. This will continue in the foreseeable future. Any time someone attempts to surf the internet, pornographic materials pop at him begging for his attention. The latest trend now is to hack someone’s social media account and use it as a billboard for pornographic content. The irony is that even food does not enjoy this type of hype. One cannot survive without eating food for just one month. However, someone can live without sex for years.
Why do I say sex is vanity? If you are going into marriage or any relationship with the sole aim to fulfil your sexual desires, you are setting yourself up for a disaster. And that disaster you will find. The odds are more against men. A young man can flaunt his sexual prowess for a while. Once he gets to his forties erectile dysfunction begins to manifest. At fifty, it is pronounced. He can barely manage to get it up and keep it up for three to five minutes. He is no longer the hunk he was. At this age, if a man insist that he must have sex until the woman comes, she may come but he himself will go. If you have a husband that is unfaithful don’t despair. Allow time to humble him.
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It’s easier for a woman. A woman at a hundred years can have sex if she chooses to. At sixty years a man’s capability to perform exploits in ‘the other room’ are drastically reduced. Most men at this age can only recount their days of adventure in sex. Men in this age demography who carry young girls around only embark on a futile adventure to recreate their youth. A wise man will accept the reality of time and rest.
In spite of mounting evidence against inordinate desire for sex, sex has continued to ruin lives and wreak havoc on marriages, relationships, organisations and so on. Sadly, even religious organisations are not exempted from this. Why has this presented a profound challenge to humans right from the time of King David and King Solomon?
There could be other reasons, but hypocrisy is one of them. Many people are reluctant to discuss sex, especially in public space. No one is immune from the snare of sex, so it is better that we face it and deal with it. Sex education is thus key and crucial. Until we get to a point where we can talk about sex with zero hassles, this issue will continue to dominate human discourse.
Godwin Aondohemba Abeghe, Life Coach, is a graduate of the University of Jos and a prominent speaker on Family and Family Relationship. He lives in Lagos, Nigeria and can be reached via email: torjomabeghe@gmail.com or WhatsApp: +234 705 257 1353.
