IN OUR society, culture and even religion demand that you help your relations, especially those in dire need. Not only them, you are expected to help anybody in need if you could afford to. Only that as a friend once told me, you cannot save the world when she helped a woman in the hospital with the last money in her bag. That is, you can only do what you can.
Some however take the generosity of their, say, brothers for granted and become so relaxed to try to fend for themselves, comfortable in the knowledge that the brothers must find a way to help them!
This family situation needs a balancing act because any slight perceived non-help from the rich brother is blamed on the wife. That she doesn’t want her husband to help his relations, but want him to spend only on her and her children. And of course, her relations.
I read an article some time ago where the writer was talking about the economy of the north. He said mostly there was only one bread winner in a family and he caters for everybody, including extended family members.
In any case, while it is good to help them, some don’t want to be helped to set up something to be self-reliant. They would rather the brother works tirelessly to earn money and then for him to give them some amount to feed, pay school fees for their children, medication and so on.
There was one man who was wealthy but he worked very hard as an engineer. He tried many times to help his brothers to earn their own money, but they didn’t do it. They lived aimlessly in their town. Instead they accused him of sending his children school abroad without including their own children.
I feel that everybody should live according to his means. If you cannot afford an expensive school why must your child go to that school and expect your brother to pay for it because his children go there? And this brother still helps you with feeding and pays your children’s school fees, even though you are not grateful.
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Some brothers may decide to also take the children of their brothers to expensive schools, but that is if they want to.
This family situation needs a balancing act because any slight perceived non-help from the rich brother is blamed on the wife. That she doesn’t want her husband to help his relations, but want him to spend only on her and her children. And of course, her relations.
This makes some women to question whether they and their children don’t have a right in their own home. In fact, in some cases even the food they eat is a source of gossip, that they are enjoying while the relations are suffering.
One woman said her husband bought houses for his younger brothers, but they are always envious of her children comparing them with their own, even though they don’t live in the same town.
“I hope it would not create enmity between our children, because the way they speak makes it look like we make our children superior to their own,” she said.
The wife and the children have a special place in a man’s life. They should be given their right to enjoy the wealth of the man as husband and father. Brothers, sisters and extended family members are also important and they should be cared for. But where possible they should be assisted and encouraged to be able to cater for themselves. They should not claim some right that is not their own.
Some men take it to the extreme as if they would live the life of their brothers for them. They would rather go to any extent to meet their brothers’ needs than encourage them to fend for themselves.
They borrow money or if available to them go into corruption so as not to tell their brothers that they could not afford their demand at times.
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In one such case the man bought expensive things like phones and computers for his brothers’ children, but declined such demands from his own children. If it is his own children, he would say he doesn’t have money. Any time the wife found that he bought such items for his brothers’ children they had a fight.
The irony is that when such a man falls on hard times the brothers blame the wife of taking away his money, refusing to see their part in it. Some would even try to chase her away from the house.
The wife and the children have a special place in a man’s life. They should be given their right to enjoy the wealth of the man as husband and father. Brothers, sisters and extended family members are also important and they should be cared for. But where possible they should be assisted and encouraged to be able to cater for themselves. They should not claim some right that is not their own.
